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| Xanga told me to sign in, or else I'd lose my account, so hello!
Not much is going on in my world: I am about a month away from my last day interning here, and a month plus a few days before my lease ends. The company I had two great interviews with for a job this summer hasn't gotten back to me, so I'm worried that I won't be employed soon. That's really freaking me out. I don't remember the last time I didn't have a job lined up before I left my last one.
In other news, I've made a new commitment to doing yoga, and now I have a yoga-buddy! I was at my heaviest weight in August, and since then, (although mostly since February) I have lost 43 pounds. If I lose 30 more, I will be back at my lightest, and that feels both reasonable and a healthy goal.
So what's going on out there in the non-YSD world?
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| Hey, guys. I know that the few of you who read this occasionally are theatre folk, and you're the ones I'm thinking of right now. This morning, while we were loading in a show, one of our crew members and friend was killed in the truck. I just wanted to remind you all how important it is to be extra cautious, and if you have two people, use them! I don't want to see this happen ever again, especially to those I care about.
I would write more, but it hasn't even been a day yet, and I'm not ready. But, please, please, please be careful. | | |
| Is it weird that I want dance documentaries to feel better? Netflix just sent me a Paul Taylor documentary from 1998. It's taking a slightly different approach then most of the others that I've watched. I think it's because it's only the second I've seen of a company that's still active. The other documentary was about a specific piece by a company, so I don't know if it counts.
I don't know why I'm procrastinating; I ought to finish my drafting and go to bed. Things are slightly better in that I'm keeping my emotions in my apartment. I don't know why I was so raw these past few weeks. I really wish that I could take a weekend and get to Rochester to get my stuff. I've finally settled into my apartment, and I'm actually really happy about it. It's a very calm place.
I'm debating taking some sort of roadtrip this Sunday. Maybe NYC, maybe a drive through the Berkshires, maybe Boston. It would be nice to see some people, but I've been so out of touch that I have no clue who's where or available this Sunday. Any takers?
Also, if you're a vegetarian, and you come to New Haven, you should try out Claire's Cornucopia. It's a good little relaxed restaurant that let's you take out. I ordered a burrito earlier this week, and I'm still eating it.
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| So, here's the deal:
I'm supposed to write a one to two page paper about what I hope to get from this internship with the Yale Repertory Theatre/Yale School of Drama. I am having major issues with this because I cannot even decide why I came here, or if I even want to be here. The work isn't hard or challenging, I'm learning Yale's production process. I don't like a lot of it. At the first focus call, I remembered loud and clear why I hate Yale designers. I hate their attitude. I hate their inability to design efficiently. If I was sober, I could explain this more clearly. I'm not sure I need to stay here for three more years, even if I did apply.
The other issue is that I get bored very easily by straight theatre. I NEED to be in the dance world. It is killing me that there is no dance down here. I miss being inspired. I have my dance theory books. They help. The internet helps. But there's no live dance around here. Quite frankly, even if there was, I wouldn't have time to go, unless it was a Sunday. But I don't really want to watch dance, I want to participate. Not by dancing, but by enabling dancers to do what they do best. I feel like I am being sucked dry.
I left my circle of friends in Rochester, except one, who also relocated to Yale. Unfortunately, there was a time where there were a few lies spoken and now his girlfriend doesn't want us to be friends. That leaves me with a lot of new people. I'm shy until I get to know a person, so I haven't made any real friends. The one guy that I was beginning to be friends with made me cry in class the other day. Luckily, I had a chopsaw to hide behind.
Lastly, we're fast approaching the first anniversary of my miscarriage. I carried to slightly over three months. I never dealt with it properly, so it's been hitting me really hard the past few days. I think that this would be slightly easier to deal with if I were still with the guy, or at least speaking to him. I've been drinking a lot at night to fall asleep so that I don't spend time thinking about it. I can't find a way to stop the dreams in which I relive the series of incidents. This isn't the type of shit you're supposed to deal with alone. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know?
Oi, sorry for the depressing entry. I'm just hoping this helps me from crying at work again. (At least I've been able to hide it from my coworks. Dark theatres are always a plus.) | | |
| I've been at Yale for over a week now. The early mornings will take some getting used to. It's so weird to be surrounded by people who actually give a shit about theatre... | | |
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